Ok so is it completely dorky to have a blog? My 13 year old neice about died when I told her. I really can't understand why it is so funny, but apparently she thinks it is. LOL
OK so she just informed me thats its "boring" not dorky....
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
::Sigh:: ok serious issues... This is day two back from NYC visiting my wonderful boyfriend. Why does he have to be so far away. Perhaps its time to disclose the story of how I came to be with the man I believe is the love of my life.
A little over 10 years ago when I was 17, I was first introduced to the internet. This was long before webcams and digital cameras were popular and right when chatting and meeting people on the internet first became a big deal. I messaged a random person I found using AOL's profile search not really knowing what I was in for. Turns out the person on the other side was a person that would change my life forever. Unfortunatly he lived in California and I lived in Ohio. We talked every day online and sometimes even on the phone. I experianced my first time having phone sex with him...lol....I became very close to him he sent me a letter and a picture in the mail. I really grew to love him and care about him deeply. The fact that he lived thousands of miles away from me grew to be a huge issue for me. I couldnt deal with it and slowly started to push him away. We would message eachother from time to time and did our best to stay in touch. But I didnt realize that I had pushed aside the best friend I had ever had in my life.
I got married, had children.... and went through the most trying parts of my life without him. All the while wishing I was still in better contact with him. My husband was controling and jealous and wouldnt let me talk to my male friends. Finally one January morning a year and a half ago, I was so lonely and depressed of my situation, I decided I needed him so bad I couldnt take another day without him. I emailed him with intentions to tell him happy birthday. Not knowing if he evens till kept the same email address after all of these years. I told him I was married and that I had children and that I missed him. To my delight he emailed me back the very next day. Also saying he missed me and telling me that he was going to law school in New York.
This was fantastic! He was on the east coast?!??! The same time zone as me? over the next couple of weeks we started to connect again. Very quickly. We would email back and forth every day and talk on the phone on my lunch at work. I knew feelings were starting to stir up and I knew I shouldnt be emtionally involved with another man like this but how could I not be? He was there to listen to me talk about my problems with my husband. He was there for me to cry to about the abuse and the pain.
Somehow... still unknown to me to this day I convinced my husband that we should go on a trip to NY and that while we were there we should meet up with my friend. Crazy huh? After 10 years of talking to someone on the internet I finally got to meet him. The thing is, I was already falling in love with him and I didnt even know it. We got there and I walked off that elevator with my so called husband into the hotel lobby and saw him standing there and my heart sank. I knew right then and there.... we hung out for the weekend. With short seldem moments with out my husband where we just Hugged. The best hugs I have ever had in my life.
Once we got back home, things just grew worse with my husband. Mostly because I now knew I didnt have to put up with the bull shit that he was putting me through and that I could easily be happy without him. I grew increasingly sick of the way he was treating me and our children and how his lazy p.o.s. ass didnt do a single thing around the house. I would talk to my friend daily about how bad I wanted to leave him and he would listen day after day after day.
Quickly it became apparent that the two of us were developing feelings for eachother that were much deeper than friendship. I convinced my husband to let me go visit him alone in exchange for letting him go on a vacation by himself later in the year. My friend paid for my plane ticket. I got to stay with him friday night, all day saturday and had to leave sunday afternoon. It was such an amazing weekend. I know what you are thinking, but I didnt sleep with him and still havent till this day even though we are still together. We just cuddled, kissed, talked endlessly and loved eachother.
The thing is that hes very into his culture and he is still a virgin. Very rare to find an atractive man at the age of 26 who has never had sex. Were not talking about someone who can not find a woman that would want to be with him. Hes a successful, attactive law student in NYC... Its a choice, that he has stuck by. Which I am struggling with but I do resepect his decision.
So after debating for almost a year and following some pretty crazy incidents.... I finally made the decision to remove myself and my children from the situation I was in with my husband. I left my home, job, and friends in Kentucky and moved in with my sister in Ohio. I had to file a protective order against my husband and now I have to wait till July to file for a divorce because Ive not been a resident of Ohio for 6 months.
So now me and my friend, well my boyfriend now I guess, are taking it as slow as possible considering we are completely in love with eachother. I have never felt like this in my life. The way he makes me feel is unexplainable. Even without the sex. He came here to visit me a month ago and just flew me to see him last weekend. He plans on flying me there in 2 weeks for my birthday.
Obviously he loves me right? I mean why else would he spend all this money on me if he didnt? Its not like its for the sex, since we arent having it. Its really hard for me considering I havent had sex in almost 6 months. I guess its really best that we at least wait till the divorce is finalized. Theres other means of pleasure....right? Hes taking care of me thats all that matters. Ugh its just so amazing to lay and with him and get lost in his eyes. We spend hours talking and its great. I love it..... but it gets tough when were in the heat of the passion, I try to convince him that we should do it. I know its bad, i tell him I respect his decision and that I wont pressure him and then I go insane. I cant help it hes just so sexy! And a Nympho that hasnt been laid in 6 months and a self declared virgin... what a combination. This should be interesting.....
Journey status: Wanting it bad!
A little over 10 years ago when I was 17, I was first introduced to the internet. This was long before webcams and digital cameras were popular and right when chatting and meeting people on the internet first became a big deal. I messaged a random person I found using AOL's profile search not really knowing what I was in for. Turns out the person on the other side was a person that would change my life forever. Unfortunatly he lived in California and I lived in Ohio. We talked every day online and sometimes even on the phone. I experianced my first time having phone sex with him...lol....I became very close to him he sent me a letter and a picture in the mail. I really grew to love him and care about him deeply. The fact that he lived thousands of miles away from me grew to be a huge issue for me. I couldnt deal with it and slowly started to push him away. We would message eachother from time to time and did our best to stay in touch. But I didnt realize that I had pushed aside the best friend I had ever had in my life.
I got married, had children.... and went through the most trying parts of my life without him. All the while wishing I was still in better contact with him. My husband was controling and jealous and wouldnt let me talk to my male friends. Finally one January morning a year and a half ago, I was so lonely and depressed of my situation, I decided I needed him so bad I couldnt take another day without him. I emailed him with intentions to tell him happy birthday. Not knowing if he evens till kept the same email address after all of these years. I told him I was married and that I had children and that I missed him. To my delight he emailed me back the very next day. Also saying he missed me and telling me that he was going to law school in New York.
This was fantastic! He was on the east coast?!??! The same time zone as me? over the next couple of weeks we started to connect again. Very quickly. We would email back and forth every day and talk on the phone on my lunch at work. I knew feelings were starting to stir up and I knew I shouldnt be emtionally involved with another man like this but how could I not be? He was there to listen to me talk about my problems with my husband. He was there for me to cry to about the abuse and the pain.
Somehow... still unknown to me to this day I convinced my husband that we should go on a trip to NY and that while we were there we should meet up with my friend. Crazy huh? After 10 years of talking to someone on the internet I finally got to meet him. The thing is, I was already falling in love with him and I didnt even know it. We got there and I walked off that elevator with my so called husband into the hotel lobby and saw him standing there and my heart sank. I knew right then and there.... we hung out for the weekend. With short seldem moments with out my husband where we just Hugged. The best hugs I have ever had in my life.
Once we got back home, things just grew worse with my husband. Mostly because I now knew I didnt have to put up with the bull shit that he was putting me through and that I could easily be happy without him. I grew increasingly sick of the way he was treating me and our children and how his lazy p.o.s. ass didnt do a single thing around the house. I would talk to my friend daily about how bad I wanted to leave him and he would listen day after day after day.
Quickly it became apparent that the two of us were developing feelings for eachother that were much deeper than friendship. I convinced my husband to let me go visit him alone in exchange for letting him go on a vacation by himself later in the year. My friend paid for my plane ticket. I got to stay with him friday night, all day saturday and had to leave sunday afternoon. It was such an amazing weekend. I know what you are thinking, but I didnt sleep with him and still havent till this day even though we are still together. We just cuddled, kissed, talked endlessly and loved eachother.
The thing is that hes very into his culture and he is still a virgin. Very rare to find an atractive man at the age of 26 who has never had sex. Were not talking about someone who can not find a woman that would want to be with him. Hes a successful, attactive law student in NYC... Its a choice, that he has stuck by. Which I am struggling with but I do resepect his decision.
So after debating for almost a year and following some pretty crazy incidents.... I finally made the decision to remove myself and my children from the situation I was in with my husband. I left my home, job, and friends in Kentucky and moved in with my sister in Ohio. I had to file a protective order against my husband and now I have to wait till July to file for a divorce because Ive not been a resident of Ohio for 6 months.
So now me and my friend, well my boyfriend now I guess, are taking it as slow as possible considering we are completely in love with eachother. I have never felt like this in my life. The way he makes me feel is unexplainable. Even without the sex. He came here to visit me a month ago and just flew me to see him last weekend. He plans on flying me there in 2 weeks for my birthday.
Obviously he loves me right? I mean why else would he spend all this money on me if he didnt? Its not like its for the sex, since we arent having it. Its really hard for me considering I havent had sex in almost 6 months. I guess its really best that we at least wait till the divorce is finalized. Theres other means of pleasure....right? Hes taking care of me thats all that matters. Ugh its just so amazing to lay and with him and get lost in his eyes. We spend hours talking and its great. I love it..... but it gets tough when were in the heat of the passion, I try to convince him that we should do it. I know its bad, i tell him I respect his decision and that I wont pressure him and then I go insane. I cant help it hes just so sexy! And a Nympho that hasnt been laid in 6 months and a self declared virgin... what a combination. This should be interesting.....
Journey status: Wanting it bad!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
My journy back to Virgin City.
Ok so I have heard of not having sex until you're married, but how about not having sex until your divorced? I have decided that I am not going to have sex until my divorce is filed and finalized...possibly even longer. Considering I am going on 6 months with out it already and due to gay ass Ohio residency laws I will not be able to file for a divorce for at least 3 more months, I will have gone 9 months with out being laid if I complete this journey. This is completely mind blowing to me.
I have thought endlessly about my life long dream to write a novel and realized ... I really dont have any concrete writing skills. I have good stories, but do I really have potential to write a book? My guess is probably not. Not that I doubt myself, theres just a lot of work that goes into writing a book. Its not something that just your average Jane can pick up a pen and paper (or a laptop) and do. It requires writing skills and education. So my boyfriend has convinced me that I should blog.
I've never had a blog, I've really never even read a blog... I really dont even know what I am doing. Because of my situation, which you will read about eventually, I have battled for hours trying to decide if I should make this blog public. I don't really know if it will get any hits or not but I am going to make it public with no ties to the real me. So no one that I know will not have access to this blog unless its by complete randomness or stalking. So for anyone who wants to listen I am going to try to compile some of my stories and bring you along with me on my new "Journey back to Virgin City"
I should start off by letting you all know that I am completely and undeniably a freak! I absolutely love sex. Having sex is something that I could do 2-3 times a day and still want more. Were talking about someone who lost their virginity in a church bathroom! Which is extreamly ironic given my religous background. I grew up as a christian, with the expectation that I would wait for marriage before giving my virginity away. My mother pushed this issue almost daily. I was in programs t the church that promoted refraing from sex until after marriage and I even went trough a cermony and made a promise to God and my parents that I would wait.
The thing that made this promise so easy to keep at first was the fact that I was a total dork in high school. I was in the marching band and about 50 pounds over weight. None of the guys even tried to get with me. My senior year I began to date a kid that went to another school and he was two grades younger than me. He was also a total dork and a virgin, but I still fell in love with him. Dennis was my first memorable boyfriend. We ended up losing our virginity to eachother at the end of my senior year. After I broke up with him it all seemed to be downhill from there. I left him to get back with another ex-boyfriend who ended up leaving me and getting my best friend pregnant. I had a new boyfriend every few weeks. I was sleeping with all of them. I also had a one night stand or two and a few "friends with benefits." With in 2 years I had slept with 12 guys and managed to stay STD free and didn't end up pregnant.
I met a man who was not favorable for me. Yet I still dated him and yes I slept with him on our second date. I spent every free minute with him in the trailer his friend was letting him stay at for free. Well he was supposed to be paying rent to sleep on his couch but the man couldnt hold down a job. I would every ounce of extra money on him and spending time with him. For some unknown reason to me now, I thought I was in love with this man named Bill. I was living with a roomate in a small 2 bedroom apartment who decided that she didn't like Bill hanging at our apartment and didnt like the fact that I was never home. She got the lease completely transfered into my name and Bill moved in with me. I began to get warnings from his friends and family members about "how Bill was" and how I should get out while I could. I was stubborn and thought I knew what love was so when he asked me to marry him, I of course said yes. After all, we really never even had a fight.
The fact that he didnt have a consistant job should have been a red flag to me that this man had issues. Other indicators might have been the stories he told me about the army discharging him because he was bi-polar and manic depressive. Or maybe I should have had a clue when he told me his last girlfriend was pregnant with his child and wanted him to have nothing to do with her or the child ever again. Yet somehow I let him convince me that she was the physco bitch.
We married in 2003 a few months after I turned 21. My step father did not say yes when he asked for my hand in marriage and my mother tried to talk me out of it. Even tho my parents didnt approve of the marriage, they could see it was what I wanted and there was no changing my mind. As I stood by those doors of the church his mother whispered to me in the most dead serious voice I have ever heard "Jennifer its not to late to change your mind." My stomch sank and I knew right then I was making a huge mistake. But, I just smiled and I'll see you after the ceremony Brenda. Once I got up to the alter my fears slowly disappeared and I was excited...my mother threw me the best wedding ever. The decorations were beautiful and the reception was a blast. I the dresses I wanted, 6 brides maids and grooms men, 2 flower girls, prime rib, the big cake, 1000 cookies, the whole nine yards. I really thought I was happy, married life didnt seem much different than before. I didnt even notice that he had me slowly pulling away from my friends and family.
I got pregnant almost right away. And thats when it all started. The physical and mental abuse, the mind games, the munipulation, the destroying of property. He tried to strangle me when I was pregnant with his child! HELLO RED FLAG. Also anyone whos going to make their wife work 2 jobs while shes expecting all while he is at home jobless sitting on the couch high as fuck watching t.v., sleeping, smoking pot and eating all the food in site.
Wow this is exhasting. I have so much I want to write but dont want to give everything away right in the begining. Trust me it gets good :) Ill write more tomorrow :)
Journey status: Still on track
I have thought endlessly about my life long dream to write a novel and realized ... I really dont have any concrete writing skills. I have good stories, but do I really have potential to write a book? My guess is probably not. Not that I doubt myself, theres just a lot of work that goes into writing a book. Its not something that just your average Jane can pick up a pen and paper (or a laptop) and do. It requires writing skills and education. So my boyfriend has convinced me that I should blog.
I've never had a blog, I've really never even read a blog... I really dont even know what I am doing. Because of my situation, which you will read about eventually, I have battled for hours trying to decide if I should make this blog public. I don't really know if it will get any hits or not but I am going to make it public with no ties to the real me. So no one that I know will not have access to this blog unless its by complete randomness or stalking. So for anyone who wants to listen I am going to try to compile some of my stories and bring you along with me on my new "Journey back to Virgin City"
I should start off by letting you all know that I am completely and undeniably a freak! I absolutely love sex. Having sex is something that I could do 2-3 times a day and still want more. Were talking about someone who lost their virginity in a church bathroom! Which is extreamly ironic given my religous background. I grew up as a christian, with the expectation that I would wait for marriage before giving my virginity away. My mother pushed this issue almost daily. I was in programs t the church that promoted refraing from sex until after marriage and I even went trough a cermony and made a promise to God and my parents that I would wait.
The thing that made this promise so easy to keep at first was the fact that I was a total dork in high school. I was in the marching band and about 50 pounds over weight. None of the guys even tried to get with me. My senior year I began to date a kid that went to another school and he was two grades younger than me. He was also a total dork and a virgin, but I still fell in love with him. Dennis was my first memorable boyfriend. We ended up losing our virginity to eachother at the end of my senior year. After I broke up with him it all seemed to be downhill from there. I left him to get back with another ex-boyfriend who ended up leaving me and getting my best friend pregnant. I had a new boyfriend every few weeks. I was sleeping with all of them. I also had a one night stand or two and a few "friends with benefits." With in 2 years I had slept with 12 guys and managed to stay STD free and didn't end up pregnant.
I met a man who was not favorable for me. Yet I still dated him and yes I slept with him on our second date. I spent every free minute with him in the trailer his friend was letting him stay at for free. Well he was supposed to be paying rent to sleep on his couch but the man couldnt hold down a job. I would every ounce of extra money on him and spending time with him. For some unknown reason to me now, I thought I was in love with this man named Bill. I was living with a roomate in a small 2 bedroom apartment who decided that she didn't like Bill hanging at our apartment and didnt like the fact that I was never home. She got the lease completely transfered into my name and Bill moved in with me. I began to get warnings from his friends and family members about "how Bill was" and how I should get out while I could. I was stubborn and thought I knew what love was so when he asked me to marry him, I of course said yes. After all, we really never even had a fight.
The fact that he didnt have a consistant job should have been a red flag to me that this man had issues. Other indicators might have been the stories he told me about the army discharging him because he was bi-polar and manic depressive. Or maybe I should have had a clue when he told me his last girlfriend was pregnant with his child and wanted him to have nothing to do with her or the child ever again. Yet somehow I let him convince me that she was the physco bitch.
We married in 2003 a few months after I turned 21. My step father did not say yes when he asked for my hand in marriage and my mother tried to talk me out of it. Even tho my parents didnt approve of the marriage, they could see it was what I wanted and there was no changing my mind. As I stood by those doors of the church his mother whispered to me in the most dead serious voice I have ever heard "Jennifer its not to late to change your mind." My stomch sank and I knew right then I was making a huge mistake. But, I just smiled and I'll see you after the ceremony Brenda. Once I got up to the alter my fears slowly disappeared and I was excited...my mother threw me the best wedding ever. The decorations were beautiful and the reception was a blast. I the dresses I wanted, 6 brides maids and grooms men, 2 flower girls, prime rib, the big cake, 1000 cookies, the whole nine yards. I really thought I was happy, married life didnt seem much different than before. I didnt even notice that he had me slowly pulling away from my friends and family.
I got pregnant almost right away. And thats when it all started. The physical and mental abuse, the mind games, the munipulation, the destroying of property. He tried to strangle me when I was pregnant with his child! HELLO RED FLAG. Also anyone whos going to make their wife work 2 jobs while shes expecting all while he is at home jobless sitting on the couch high as fuck watching t.v., sleeping, smoking pot and eating all the food in site.
Wow this is exhasting. I have so much I want to write but dont want to give everything away right in the begining. Trust me it gets good :) Ill write more tomorrow :)
Journey status: Still on track
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