My journy back to Virgin City.

Ok so I have heard of not having sex until you're married, but how about not having sex until your divorced? I have decided that I am not going to have sex until my divorce is filed and finalized...possibly even longer. Considering I am going on 6 months with out it already and due to gay ass Ohio residency laws I will not be able to file for a divorce for at least 3 more months, I will have gone 9 months with out being laid if I complete this journey. This is completely mind blowing to me.

I have thought endlessly about my life long dream to write a novel and realized ... I really dont have any concrete writing skills. I have good stories, but do I really have potential to write a book? My guess is probably not. Not that I doubt myself, theres just a lot of work that goes into writing a book. Its not something that just your average Jane can pick up a pen and paper (or a laptop) and do. It requires writing skills and education. So my boyfriend has convinced me that I should blog.
I've never had a blog, I've really never even read a blog... I really dont even know what I am doing. Because of my situation, which you will read about eventually, I have battled for hours trying to decide if I should make this blog public. I don't really know if it will get any hits or not but I am going to make it public with no ties to the real me. So no one that I know will not have access to this blog unless its by complete randomness or stalking. So for anyone who wants to listen I am going to try to compile some of my stories and bring you along with me on my new "Journey back to Virgin City"

I should start off by letting you all know that I am completely and undeniably a freak! I absolutely love sex. Having sex is something that I could do 2-3 times a day and still want more. Were talking about someone who lost their virginity in a church bathroom! Which is extreamly ironic given my religous background. I grew up as a christian, with the expectation that I would wait for marriage before giving my virginity away. My mother pushed this issue almost daily. I was in programs t the church that promoted refraing from sex until after marriage and I even went trough a cermony and made a promise to God and my parents that I would wait.

The thing that made this promise so easy to keep at first was the fact that I was a total dork in high school. I was in the marching band and about 50 pounds over weight. None of the guys even tried to get with me. My senior year I began to date a kid that went to another school and he was two grades younger than me. He was also a total dork and a virgin, but I still fell in love with him. Dennis was my first memorable boyfriend. We ended up losing our virginity to eachother at the end of my senior year. After I broke up with him it all seemed to be downhill from there. I left him to get back with another ex-boyfriend who ended up leaving me and getting my best friend pregnant. I had a new boyfriend every few weeks. I was sleeping with all of them. I also had a one night stand or two and a few "friends with benefits." With in 2 years I had slept with 12 guys and managed to stay STD free and didn't end up pregnant.

I met a man who was not favorable for me. Yet I still dated him and yes I slept with him on our second date. I spent every free minute with him in the trailer his friend was letting him stay at for free. Well he was supposed to be paying rent to sleep on his couch but the man couldnt hold down a job. I would every ounce of extra money on him and spending time with him. For some unknown reason to me now, I thought I was in love with this man named Bill. I was living with a roomate in a small 2 bedroom apartment who decided that she didn't like Bill hanging at our apartment and didnt like the fact that I was never home. She got the lease completely transfered into my name and Bill moved in with me. I began to get warnings from his friends and family members about "how Bill was" and how I should get out while I could. I was stubborn and thought I knew what love was so when he asked me to marry him, I of course said yes. After all, we really never even had a fight.

The fact that he didnt have a consistant job should have been a red flag to me that this man had issues. Other indicators might have been the stories he told me about the army discharging him because he was bi-polar and manic depressive. Or maybe I should have had a clue when he told me his last girlfriend was pregnant with his child and wanted him to have nothing to do with her or the child ever again. Yet somehow I let him convince me that she was the physco bitch.

We married in 2003 a few months after I turned 21. My step father did not say yes when he asked for my hand in marriage and my mother tried to talk me out of it. Even tho my parents didnt approve of the marriage, they could see it was what I wanted and there was no changing my mind. As I stood by those doors of the church his mother whispered to me in the most dead serious voice I have ever heard "Jennifer its not to late to change your mind." My stomch sank and I knew right then I was making a huge mistake. But, I just smiled and I'll see you after the ceremony Brenda. Once I got up to the alter my fears slowly disappeared and I was excited...my mother threw me the best wedding ever. The decorations were beautiful and the reception was a blast. I the dresses I wanted, 6 brides maids and grooms men, 2 flower girls, prime rib, the big cake, 1000 cookies, the whole nine yards. I really thought I was happy, married life didnt seem much different than before. I didnt even notice that he had me slowly pulling away from my friends and family.

I got pregnant almost right away. And thats when it all started. The physical and mental abuse, the mind games, the munipulation, the destroying of property. He tried to strangle me when I was pregnant with his child! HELLO RED FLAG. Also anyone whos going to make their wife work 2 jobs while shes expecting all while he is at home jobless sitting on the couch high as fuck watching t.v., sleeping, smoking pot and eating all the food in site.

Wow this is exhasting. I have so much I want to write but dont want to give everything away right in the begining. Trust me it gets good :) Ill write more tomorrow :)

Journey status: Still on track